by Kim Berg
“Your anointing does NOT fuel your assignment.”
That is an intense statement to unpack.
In a perfect world, in whatever holy, divine office that the Father asked me to step in to, I’d want to just drip oil and bless everyone I come across…I would ABSOLUTELY bless myself!
This has not been my path though. It has not been easy. It has been FULL of breaking moments, full of discomfort. I’ve fought the assignment of Pastor (caring for others) that the Father has given me for years. Not because I don’t absolutely LOVE it, not because I haven’t seen fruit and been completely fulfilled, but because of comparison…because of battles in my own mind and heart…because I forgot who I was.
My assignment has been fueled by transition and transformation. This isn’t the kind of transformation that you see on YouTube in a make-up tutorial where the “ugly duckling” turns in to a “swan” in 5 minutes. This has been an uphill battle with myself over years, full of experiences that only the Father could walk me through with kindness and correction. The kind that make you a better person on the other end, but that are extremely gut wrenching on the way through.
I experienced a 2-3 year period of being diagnosed with major depression. During that time, I worked for several ministries, I loved people well, and my pastoral gifting did not dissipate. For all intents and purposes, I was living the life the Father had ordained me to live as far as anyone else could tell. Only my family saw that I struggled to get up most mornings and that I would cry uncontrollably. It was so easy just to feel sorry for myself, but the Father woke me up! We started seeing changes in our oldest son, which looked like extreme anger and identity issues. He was only 4 at the time, so it was really hard to watch. The beginning to the end of my depression came when the Father point blank showed me that I was an awful example to my son. He saw me every day hopeless, feeling unloved, and completely broken. He saw me handle situations poorly and then he copied it. A completely unstable environment. Because someone I loved was being affected more than me, this was my “I’M DONE” moment. It has been a slow process of 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, but the Father has shown me that I can do hard and holy things…this is what fuels my assignment…the moments where He brings me through…He holds my hand…He doesn’t leave me the way He found me.
Choosing in to hard and holy goes against every societal norm that there is. It doesn’t always look like the American dream…like clean and white…like ministry with no heartache…like comfort. Let’s face it! Comfort, for the most part, is an escape from life…an escape from adventure with Him! We run from pain because we have to really look at ourselves, but that’s where He transforms us. It stirs up grit and fight down deep in our bowels and is an opportunity for growth…making us better at the assignment He’s given us and dare I say more anointed to do it.
The highest places of worship are places that cost us something. Places where you desperately NEED Him. This is the real offering of our lives…choose in to hard because you know that He wants to grow you into something beautiful. Let us not be stagnant anymore!
Jesus went through the toughest season…His offering was Himself…He is our perfect example.